Dealing with Different Religions in a Binational Relationship
Ideally, a binational couple gets to know each other first, takes enough time to think things through, and discusses their respective perspectives and attitudes regarding cultural and religious differences. Only then do they move in together, and later on, they have children. All right!
But isn’t it often the case that the lives of many people are turned upside down by the constraints of reality? These constraints and other circumstances often make the ideal scenario more of an exception. Everyday life demands that both partners put things into practice in every respect—for example, when it comes to navigating different religions: How should the children be raised in terms of religion? What should their upbringing look like, and so on? Many couples in a binational relationship want first and foremost to experience their love and think that the practical aspects of living together, with all their complexities, can somehow be worked out later.
Many questions don’t arise until you’re actually living with the children. How is this supposed to work? Can we pull this off? Is it even possible with different religious beliefs (e.g., Christianity and Islam)? Surely it must be possible somehow to live together harmoniously despite the differences within the family, right? This requires a high degree of tolerance, respect, and openness from both partners in a binational relationship. If we assume that all cultures are equal, this should actually go without saying.
In my family, the key is to find compromises and give everyone the freedom to express themselves. This means, for example, that we celebrate the holidays of both cultures at home with the necessary respect—such as Christmas in Christianity or Eid al-Fitr in Islam, as well as other holidays. To ensure our children can form their own opinions freely, both parents instill in them an understanding of their respective religions and cultures. Later on, when they reach the age of majority, they’ll be free to choose whichever path of faith they wish to follow.
At school, our children participate in everything—singing, acting in plays, and so on. As long as they are minors, they don’t drink alcohol or eat pork—otherwise, they’re allowed to do pretty much anything. Once they reach the age of majority, they can make their own decisions.
Our three children are between seven and seventeen years old. My wife and I have been married for twenty-three years and have been together for twenty-five years. I think we’ve managed so far to live harmoniously with our children—despite our differences. My wife is Christian; she works as the head of operations and is a member of the executive board at a retirement and nursing home facility in Bern. I am Muslim and work as a counselor at frabina (a counseling center for women and men in binational relationships). We are both open-minded, reflect a lot on issues of transculturality, and talk openly with each other. The children are often actively involved in these discussions as well.
For us, cultural differences are a source of mutual enrichment that we experience firsthand. We must embrace and shape these differences with an open and positive spirit.
